I like spending time with family and friends, but I have always been able to appreciate solitude as well.
As I find myself in a foreign country, with my family and boyfriend gone for quite some time, I have seen solitude in a whole new light. Yes I have friends, and I have also learned to see friends like a new type of family. However, I can't help but think about and miss those people that are the closest to me and yet are a billion miles away at the moment. I consider myself quite blessed, because for the most part I dont think I took them for granted... not too much at least. But with them being gone there's a huge hole in my life, a hole that nothing or anyone can fill. Now, this isn't some kind of melancholic and self-pity party I'm throwing myself, I'm just totally realizing things, and writing always helps process them.
Yesterday at church the pastor was talking about how church should be such a key and influencial part in society that if it was gone, a huge void would be felt. It made me think of my family and Joey, for they have proven this to be true in a personal level. And then it made me think of myself - If I had to leave, would I be missed? Again, this isn't a self-pity issue, this is just curiousity and self-evaluation. My life has been quite the adventure, and although it can be quite challenging at times I love it , and though this can be true for anyone, its been prevalent in my life: I have absolutely no idea where I might end up in a day, a week, or a month.
So yeah, there's a possibility I might leave this place soon, and if so, did I use my God-given talents for the good of the people here? Did I show love or did I get caught up in the social circuit that seems to suck reality out of people?
I recently came across a cool quote by Mark Twain:
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover"
I don't want to know that mysterious and feared time of life known as mid-life crisis. I don't want to wake up one day and wonder where time went (even though that's already happened to me) and what I did with it. Its high time I do things to make a difference. I don't care about success like most people do, I think that successful people end up miserable for the most part. I want to live life as an adventure, I want faith to be my guiding light, and truth my passion. I want a crazy, full of notes, touching, and motivating song to play in the background of my life. So no matter what happens I remember that this life is short, that God is bigger than me and this whole world, and that ultimately, He is the only audience I want and should be playing for.
So for this I have to thank dad, mom, Laura and Juan... I am incredibly blessed to have been born into such and amazing, crazy, loud, fun, and unique family. I miss you with all my heart, but distance is no issue when there's a deep and real love rooted in Him that IS love.
And thank you, Joey... because knowing and being with you has added even more adventure and excitement to my life, and I have learned a whole new level crazyness and a new way to smile.
Now off to make lunch with leftovers! My favorite... ahh the things in life I enjoy... yummy!
